Game and site by David Newton, 2007-2015

While I must admit that I admire the engineering skills of the people who built this underground burrow, I would have liked it if they had applied their expertise to an area other than making huge traps designed to squish and/or perforate any passers-by. We were just walking across the grasslands when we disappeared through the ground, and it delayed our journey by several hours as we tried to find a way back up to the surface through the labyrinth of spinning blades and pounders. How they managed to keep all of this working for the last thousand years is testament to how they just don't build things like they used to - I don't think I've owned a toaster that lasted longer than a few months.

Like most of the places that we visit, the ruin has also been taken over by a collection of undesirable creatures, such as monstrously bulbous spider things, the bats that will come after you if you get too close to them, and two species of grasshopper which are both annoying but in slightly different ways. Pierre, pansy that he is, was absolutely terrified of the strange spectres that sneak up on you and only appear when they're about to attack - but they really are no bother once you work out how to get them to become visible. I even found two ways to do it.

It was a difficult climb, but once daylight was in sight again I stopped to take a rather magnificent candlebr candalabir candle-holding thing along with me - it'll look very distinguished in my office at the temple. Paul and Pierre seemed uncomfortable with me taking it, but what's it going to do - inconvenience the residents?